why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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