I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
