I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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