She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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