You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
