I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i need to put some appletini on your dick
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
