DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
