Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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