thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
