It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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