Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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