If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
