Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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