You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
