Who did Billy Mays play for?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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