Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She even gives head with a lisp.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
