I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
