I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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