I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
