Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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