Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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