so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
