just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
