I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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