Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My bed smells like the plague
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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