I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
this is an emotional support booty call
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
