Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
