Pappa wants mamma naked
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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