There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
