Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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