Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
