I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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