I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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