I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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