the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
