come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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