I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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