I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
