I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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