u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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