i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
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