ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
