The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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