Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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