She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
