So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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