Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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