I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
