im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
