checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
