i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
